And then came today.

"Comforted by the warmth of the fire and the familiar company and a presence they all feel but can't quite explain they wait out the night mostly in silent reflection on their own thoughts.  Where do we go from here?  What happens now?  Some may even drift off to a troubled sleep.  Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow..."

As the darkness begins to fade, those who were awake all night slowly pull themselves out of their own thoughts and look to the group.  The fire is built back up.  Several people scrounge for breakfast.  Those who were sleeping are starting to come out of their troubled sleep.  The line between sleep and awake not yet clearly crossed.

And then the footsteps.  Some one running towards them.  Some one shouting.  The disciples look at each other, unsure what to do.  Should they hide?  Should they run?  But at this point, tired and on the verge of despair, they gather around the fire and wait.  And then she comes.

Mary Magdalene.  Running.  Yelling.  Frantically trying to communicate while gasping for air.  As she gets her breath the story unfolds.  Tomb.  Anointing.  Empty grave.  Body gone.  Angels.  Alive?  I saw him.  He called my name.

And Peter and John are racing towards the tomb.  It couldn't be.  She's gone crazy from the shock of his death.  And there it is.  The stone rolled away.  The grave is empty.  A glimpse of hope.  Looking for a logical explanation.

Peter and John.  Do you remember...?  He said...  I thought...  Could he have meant?   What would it mean?  We saw him raise others from the dead.  Yeah, but I...  Is it possible?

"He is Risen, He's Alive.
No grave could keep Him down.
He is Risen, He's alive.
He's no longer in the ground.
Don't you remember what He told you,
The Son of Man must die.
And in three days He'll rise again
He is Risen, He's Alive.
HE IS RISEN!  HE'S ALIVE!"*

- From the song, "He's Alive" by Eric Horst.  Copyright, 2000
Less of me.  More of Him.
Eric

It was a dark and stormy night...

It was a cold and rainy night.  At least that's how I usually picture it.  The disciples, at a loss for words and hope start come looking for something familiar.  One at a time they come from wherever they went to hide and they return to a place they had gathered many times with Him.  No words are spoken.  Some have makeshift coverings to keep out of the rain.  Others aren't even aware enough to care.  But they come, seeking something they have known, seeking some kind of comfort, seeking community.

Their world has been shattered.  Their lives forever changed.  Their hope and excitement has been stolen.  Their leader/teacher/mentor, the Messiah, is dead.  They barely exist in this moment.  They've given up jobs, families, futures, and security.  And now what?  Will they have to return to their families ashamed but admitting they were wrong?  How will they live?  Better yet, what will they live for?  It's a cold, dark, and stormy night, even in the spiritual realm, and everyone can feel it.

I imagine sometimes what that night must have been, or at least may have been like.  As several have gathered and others begin to show someone starts a fire and the all huddle close to get a little warmth.  As more join the circle around the little fire I can hear the beginnings of sentences, many of which are never finished.  Do you remember the time...  Yeah but...  What do you think...  What are you going to do now?  Where are you going to go?  I remember...  I thought...  I was...  Wasn't he... He could have...

And silence.  Comforted by the warmth of the fire and the familiar company and a presence they all feel but can't quite explain they wait out the night mostly in silent reflection on their own thoughts.  Where do we go from here?  What happens now?  Some may even drift off to a troubled sleep.  Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow...


Less of me, more of Him,
Eric

In my former life

Many times growth is seen by others before ourselves.  And often, it's recognized first by those around us everyday because it's been a gradual happening so those closest to us don't see it as quickly as someone at a distance that when they do see us, see a dramatic change.  I think this is true physically but is also true spiritually. 

My brother, Doug, pointed something out to me this week from a post to my support team for my journey.  I received a fairly negative comment on an evaluation this week and all evaluations get sent out to all the leadership and department heads where I work.  Negativity towards me has always been one of my triggers to send me into an eating binge.

After seeing the comment I finished up some work, went home, had a "normal" supper and went about my evening activities.  The only time I thought about pizza and chips or other junk food (Not saying pizza and chips can't be done in a healthy balanced way - that just wasn't my style) was when I thought, "wow - in the past I would have ended up eating 4-5 slices of pizza, an entire bag of chips, and probably some other junk food tonight."  There was no thought to do that going on in my head.  No battle to fight on that night anyway.

So I look back on the journey and see that more has happened than losing 60 pounds so far.  I am becoming a new and healthier man - physically and emotionally.

"If anyone is in Christ there is a new creation.  The old has gone, the new has come." - 2Corinthians 5:17

May this be a daily reality for all of us.  Today I place myself in Christ's hands to hold and to guide.  In doing so I become new again - closer to Him and healthier than yesterday. 

Less of me.  More of Him.

Eric

Do the work

Have you ever prayed for something hard?  I mean, something nearly impossible?  Or at least that you thought was impossible?  Have you wondered why God hasn't answered?  I mean if God really loved us he'd take care of that need, right?  He'd take away the problem we're faced with?  He'd miraculously change what needed changing so that all would be right with our life?

I've prayed that prayer.  I can't say how many times I cried myself to sleep or stood looking in a mirror ashamed of what I had become and crying out to God to fix it.  I was tired of being overweight, I was disgusted with how I looked, I was mad at myself when I wasn't able to do things that I should have been able to do.  And where was God?  Where was God in my moments of deepest anguish?  Why wasn't God listening?  Why wasn't he answering and giving me the "desires of my heart" as he was supposed to do?

Where was God?  He was standing with me.  Holding me sometimes.  Graciously helping me drift off to sleep to temporarily relieve my anguish.  Where was God?  Waiting.  Waiting for me to do my part.  Waiting for me to want the life change badly enough that I'd get off my butt and get to work.

In 1 Peter 1:6-7 Peter says that these "trials" which you have had to endure for a while and the grief you've suffered as a result have come so that your faith which is more valuable than gold, may be proved genuine and result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus is revealed.  Gold - the standard by which all currencies are measured - will perish even though refined by fire.  Our faith is more valuable than gold.  Our faith will also be refined.  Our faith will draw us closer to Jesus as the fire burns away the imperfections and flaws.

Where was my miracle?  Why didn't God help me lose weight?  I wasn't looking for God to help me - I was only looking for God to do it.  When I started acting like I wanted God to help me, he has.  Where is the miracle?  The miracle is that God created my body to be healthy and in a few short months the damage I caused is being changed because of the work God and I are doing together on the body and the systems that God designed to respond well to healthy choices?

Where is the miracle?  The miracle is in the week that mathematically I should have lost 7 pounds I lost 11.  Where is God?  He's walking beside me every day as I walk the exterior circle drive at Spruce Lake.  He's spotting me as I lift weights in the gym.  He's granting me rest.  He created my body to respond to exercise.  He has surrounded me with people to run the race with me.  Where is God?  Pacing me every step so I finish well.  Where is God?  Holding the finish line each day as I achieve a new milestone.  Where is God?  Cheering and encouraging as I run.

God's grace has always been free.  God's gift of salvation requires only our acceptance of the gift.  God desires more for us than we can possible imagine.  Like any father He wants to give us the best of everything.  Like any good father he knows that some of those blessings take work.  He doesn't spoil us but wants us to experience the joy of working with him and drawing close to him.  He shows us areas of our life that need cleaning and with a smile on his face he holds out the broom and waits.

So where was God in my years of anguish?  Waiting with his running shoes on and a smile on his face holding out the baton to me.  I finally saw clearly to grab the baton and make a clean exchange.  It's a joy to be running this race to freedom with God who daily is there to encourage, support, cheer, and sometimes, as all good coaches do, even kick my butt.

So that all glory may be given to Him - the creator of all things and the creator of me when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Less of me - more of Him.
Eric

Know your weakness ... and make a plan

Last week I was on vacation.  As I stated in my last blog vacations have been one of my points of weakness in past years when it comes to being healthy.  So, in order to ensure this vacation had different results than previous ones I came up with a plan and worked my plan.

For any of us that have addictions or habits that have been habits for a long time we are trying to overcome accountability is a key.  So my plan for this week included accountability.  While I have a support team that I share details of my journey with I wanted a broader accountability for this trip.  So, I ran a contest on my facebook page asking my friends to guess how much weight I would lose while on vacation.  The winner of the contest gets dinner with me at a time we coordinate but it will also serve as a celebration of hitting one of my next milestones on this journey.  One dinner to accomplish two things.  Good plan.  And well worth it.

In addition to that I planned my food.  I new what I wanted to do for breakfast - see my vacation blog for the menu.  I also knew I wanted to stick with what was working so I bought the amount of food I needed to cover every meal.  One of my weaknesses is pizza - especially when on the road and I can have it delivered.  So, I made sure to get some weight watchers and Lean Cuisine pizzas so I still had one of my favorite foods - just at a lot less calories and sodium than in the past.

I'm only speculating on some things I've learned the last few months but my guess is that my vacation last fall I averaged 3000-4000 calories consumed per day and 4000+ mg of sodium.  No wonder I gain 10 pounds when on vacation.  This vacation I averaged 1100-1200 calories per day and close to the 2000 mg of sodium my doctor says I should be at.  That's success.

So, whatever addiction or habit you are trying to overcome.  Know your weakness.  Know what triggers you to make bad choices.  Avoid those situations.  Find a way around them.  Seek out accountability.  Be creative.  Make a plan and follow it.  If you need to change a pattern of life or a routine - do it. 

And my last thought for today that just came to me as I was writing.  Whatever you seek to hide or do in private that is a problem area - bring into the light.  It's not a new thought.  If your computer time is a problem and you hide in your office when using the computer - move the computer to the living room.  Going back to my pizza example.  It's okay for me to eat pizza occasionally.  When I eat pizza with people - I keep myself to one or two slices - a healthy amount.  When I eat pizza alone - I may eat the whole pizza.  Solution for me - only eat pizza when I'm with people.

Blessings on your journey.  May you find ways to acknowledge your weakness and overcome it - for your benefit and God's glory.

Less of me, more of Him.
Eric

Vacation

For the past week I've been on vacation.  In my former life vacations meant sitting around, watching a lot of TV, eating what I wanted, and very little movement.  I often cooked but my food choices were either fried or heavily breaded.  My snacks included chips and cookies.  My drinks were mostly soda.  I actually bought into the notion that most of us have laughed about at one time or another that because of a certain situation (birthday, anniversary, or in this case vacation) the calories didn't count.  It wasn't that I believed the calories didn't count - I simply justified not caring because I was on vacation and I could be healthy when I got home.

I know that success on the journey requires a lifestyle change.  I also know that most of the time change is a process.  And I know the calories always count.  I generally vacation at Resorts with a kitchen so I can take care of my own food but often I order in or go out to eat several times while there.  I also have often bought way more food than I needed - mostly because I didn't plan well what I was going to eat or I planned more than what I actually ate.

This week's vacation was mostly about food.  I did do some intentional things to get me to move more.  But my activity level has been significantly lower than my normal daily activity level.  But I was focused on food.  I didn't even trust myself to cook very much.  But here were the changes. 

My snacks were 100 calorie snack bars and Yoplait Light yogurt.  I've had nothing but water and lots of it to drink.  My lunches and suppers were either weight watchers or lean cuisine meals with a bowl of lightlife veggie chili as the exception.  Apples and lettuce complemented several of my meals.  For breakfast each morning I had an egg sandwich made with a large brown organic egg, 2-3 slices of deli sliced turkey breast, and a slice of american flavored veggie cheese on a toasted double fiber honey wheat English Muffin.  Are you hungry yet? :) This sandwich was approximately 260 calories.  Most mornings I added a banana to fill out my breakfast.

I posted a contest on facebook this week with a good number of people responding with guesses as to how much weight I would lose this week.  I didn't bring a scales so I'll be surprised with everyone else.  Based on my activity level I wouldn't have thought I'd lose weight.  However, I've maintained a good calorie deficit every day so mathematically I should be okay. 

But here is the secret to this weeks vacation.  My guess is in past vacations I've added on 10 lbs in the week I was gone.  Granted, I ate a lot of high sodium meals and drank very little water which means I added water weight so some of those 10 lbs may have come off after a couple good days at home.  So what does success this week look like?  Success is living my week differently and healthier.  That has been accomplished.  Success this week is a 0 on the scale because it's way better than I've done before.  I'll be happy with losing 2 pounds - my goal every week at this point on my journey.  Anything more is a bonus.

This week I ate right, I increased my activity level from previous years, and I look forward to seeing how the scales will reflect that.  But because weight loss is not totally mathematical I will claim success regardless of what the scales shows because I know I did well.

So what have I learned?  With God's help I can do this, especially when I focus on the small steps needed today rather than only being focused on the end goal and allowing that to overwhelm me.

Here's to success, one step, one day at a time.

Less of me, more of Him,
Eric

An introduction

Where to start?  Today I'll just introduce the journey and the reason for this blog.  Some of the background things that led to the journey will come in subsequent posts as I continue on the journey.  I also recognize that I've already made some important steps so am starting the blog potentially a little late in the process but there is time to catch up.

When asked about the greatest commandment Jesus said the greatest commandment was to love God with everything you have and the second greatest commandment is like it - love your neighbor as yourself.  I think I've done a good job keeping the first commandment.  For 20 years I've also worked hard at loving others but in that time I've spent very little time loving myself.  As a result, I haven't taken care of myself, I've gained weight and become unhealthy and when I'm truly honest with myself - unhappy.  Not all the time - but generally I'd at least say I've been disappointed with how far I'd let myself go.

So, I'm now on a journey to correct that - to take back my life - to love myself by putting myself first so that I can help others.  In the movie, The Guardian, one of the instructions to the coast guard rescue swimmer class was to save themselves first so they could save others.  That's the journey I'm on - saving my life so that I can be more involved in saving others and be around longer so God can use me to save more.

Every journey begins with a single step.  So far I've taken a lot of steps and have a lot more to take.  Since the beginning of 2011 I've lost 50 lbs and feel better than I have in a few years.  I know I still have a long ways to go but having achieved this much in 14 weeks I'm now believing that the goal is possible.  Right now I'm ahead of schedule but my goal is to hit my target in May of 2013. 

I believe that as a result of this journey I will have a spiritual awakening as well and I look forward to all that God will teach me and to how He will use me during this time and after I have hit these objectives.  It is, after all, about Him and for His glory. 

I invite you to join me on this journey by following my blog or on facebook or twitter.  (Twitter updates still coming.)  Thank you in advance for your support and encouragement. 

Less of me, more of Him.
Eric