It was a dark and stormy night...

It was a cold and rainy night.  At least that's how I usually picture it.  The disciples, at a loss for words and hope start come looking for something familiar.  One at a time they come from wherever they went to hide and they return to a place they had gathered many times with Him.  No words are spoken.  Some have makeshift coverings to keep out of the rain.  Others aren't even aware enough to care.  But they come, seeking something they have known, seeking some kind of comfort, seeking community.

Their world has been shattered.  Their lives forever changed.  Their hope and excitement has been stolen.  Their leader/teacher/mentor, the Messiah, is dead.  They barely exist in this moment.  They've given up jobs, families, futures, and security.  And now what?  Will they have to return to their families ashamed but admitting they were wrong?  How will they live?  Better yet, what will they live for?  It's a cold, dark, and stormy night, even in the spiritual realm, and everyone can feel it.

I imagine sometimes what that night must have been, or at least may have been like.  As several have gathered and others begin to show someone starts a fire and the all huddle close to get a little warmth.  As more join the circle around the little fire I can hear the beginnings of sentences, many of which are never finished.  Do you remember the time...  Yeah but...  What do you think...  What are you going to do now?  Where are you going to go?  I remember...  I thought...  I was...  Wasn't he... He could have...

And silence.  Comforted by the warmth of the fire and the familiar company and a presence they all feel but can't quite explain they wait out the night mostly in silent reflection on their own thoughts.  Where do we go from here?  What happens now?  Some may even drift off to a troubled sleep.  Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow...


Less of me, more of Him,
Eric

In my former life

Many times growth is seen by others before ourselves.  And often, it's recognized first by those around us everyday because it's been a gradual happening so those closest to us don't see it as quickly as someone at a distance that when they do see us, see a dramatic change.  I think this is true physically but is also true spiritually. 

My brother, Doug, pointed something out to me this week from a post to my support team for my journey.  I received a fairly negative comment on an evaluation this week and all evaluations get sent out to all the leadership and department heads where I work.  Negativity towards me has always been one of my triggers to send me into an eating binge.

After seeing the comment I finished up some work, went home, had a "normal" supper and went about my evening activities.  The only time I thought about pizza and chips or other junk food (Not saying pizza and chips can't be done in a healthy balanced way - that just wasn't my style) was when I thought, "wow - in the past I would have ended up eating 4-5 slices of pizza, an entire bag of chips, and probably some other junk food tonight."  There was no thought to do that going on in my head.  No battle to fight on that night anyway.

So I look back on the journey and see that more has happened than losing 60 pounds so far.  I am becoming a new and healthier man - physically and emotionally.

"If anyone is in Christ there is a new creation.  The old has gone, the new has come." - 2Corinthians 5:17

May this be a daily reality for all of us.  Today I place myself in Christ's hands to hold and to guide.  In doing so I become new again - closer to Him and healthier than yesterday. 

Less of me.  More of Him.

Eric

Do the work

Have you ever prayed for something hard?  I mean, something nearly impossible?  Or at least that you thought was impossible?  Have you wondered why God hasn't answered?  I mean if God really loved us he'd take care of that need, right?  He'd take away the problem we're faced with?  He'd miraculously change what needed changing so that all would be right with our life?

I've prayed that prayer.  I can't say how many times I cried myself to sleep or stood looking in a mirror ashamed of what I had become and crying out to God to fix it.  I was tired of being overweight, I was disgusted with how I looked, I was mad at myself when I wasn't able to do things that I should have been able to do.  And where was God?  Where was God in my moments of deepest anguish?  Why wasn't God listening?  Why wasn't he answering and giving me the "desires of my heart" as he was supposed to do?

Where was God?  He was standing with me.  Holding me sometimes.  Graciously helping me drift off to sleep to temporarily relieve my anguish.  Where was God?  Waiting.  Waiting for me to do my part.  Waiting for me to want the life change badly enough that I'd get off my butt and get to work.

In 1 Peter 1:6-7 Peter says that these "trials" which you have had to endure for a while and the grief you've suffered as a result have come so that your faith which is more valuable than gold, may be proved genuine and result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus is revealed.  Gold - the standard by which all currencies are measured - will perish even though refined by fire.  Our faith is more valuable than gold.  Our faith will also be refined.  Our faith will draw us closer to Jesus as the fire burns away the imperfections and flaws.

Where was my miracle?  Why didn't God help me lose weight?  I wasn't looking for God to help me - I was only looking for God to do it.  When I started acting like I wanted God to help me, he has.  Where is the miracle?  The miracle is that God created my body to be healthy and in a few short months the damage I caused is being changed because of the work God and I are doing together on the body and the systems that God designed to respond well to healthy choices?

Where is the miracle?  The miracle is in the week that mathematically I should have lost 7 pounds I lost 11.  Where is God?  He's walking beside me every day as I walk the exterior circle drive at Spruce Lake.  He's spotting me as I lift weights in the gym.  He's granting me rest.  He created my body to respond to exercise.  He has surrounded me with people to run the race with me.  Where is God?  Pacing me every step so I finish well.  Where is God?  Holding the finish line each day as I achieve a new milestone.  Where is God?  Cheering and encouraging as I run.

God's grace has always been free.  God's gift of salvation requires only our acceptance of the gift.  God desires more for us than we can possible imagine.  Like any father He wants to give us the best of everything.  Like any good father he knows that some of those blessings take work.  He doesn't spoil us but wants us to experience the joy of working with him and drawing close to him.  He shows us areas of our life that need cleaning and with a smile on his face he holds out the broom and waits.

So where was God in my years of anguish?  Waiting with his running shoes on and a smile on his face holding out the baton to me.  I finally saw clearly to grab the baton and make a clean exchange.  It's a joy to be running this race to freedom with God who daily is there to encourage, support, cheer, and sometimes, as all good coaches do, even kick my butt.

So that all glory may be given to Him - the creator of all things and the creator of me when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Less of me - more of Him.
Eric

Know your weakness ... and make a plan

Last week I was on vacation.  As I stated in my last blog vacations have been one of my points of weakness in past years when it comes to being healthy.  So, in order to ensure this vacation had different results than previous ones I came up with a plan and worked my plan.

For any of us that have addictions or habits that have been habits for a long time we are trying to overcome accountability is a key.  So my plan for this week included accountability.  While I have a support team that I share details of my journey with I wanted a broader accountability for this trip.  So, I ran a contest on my facebook page asking my friends to guess how much weight I would lose while on vacation.  The winner of the contest gets dinner with me at a time we coordinate but it will also serve as a celebration of hitting one of my next milestones on this journey.  One dinner to accomplish two things.  Good plan.  And well worth it.

In addition to that I planned my food.  I new what I wanted to do for breakfast - see my vacation blog for the menu.  I also knew I wanted to stick with what was working so I bought the amount of food I needed to cover every meal.  One of my weaknesses is pizza - especially when on the road and I can have it delivered.  So, I made sure to get some weight watchers and Lean Cuisine pizzas so I still had one of my favorite foods - just at a lot less calories and sodium than in the past.

I'm only speculating on some things I've learned the last few months but my guess is that my vacation last fall I averaged 3000-4000 calories consumed per day and 4000+ mg of sodium.  No wonder I gain 10 pounds when on vacation.  This vacation I averaged 1100-1200 calories per day and close to the 2000 mg of sodium my doctor says I should be at.  That's success.

So, whatever addiction or habit you are trying to overcome.  Know your weakness.  Know what triggers you to make bad choices.  Avoid those situations.  Find a way around them.  Seek out accountability.  Be creative.  Make a plan and follow it.  If you need to change a pattern of life or a routine - do it. 

And my last thought for today that just came to me as I was writing.  Whatever you seek to hide or do in private that is a problem area - bring into the light.  It's not a new thought.  If your computer time is a problem and you hide in your office when using the computer - move the computer to the living room.  Going back to my pizza example.  It's okay for me to eat pizza occasionally.  When I eat pizza with people - I keep myself to one or two slices - a healthy amount.  When I eat pizza alone - I may eat the whole pizza.  Solution for me - only eat pizza when I'm with people.

Blessings on your journey.  May you find ways to acknowledge your weakness and overcome it - for your benefit and God's glory.

Less of me, more of Him.
Eric