Blow Out

In the last few months I've heard from a number of you that are reading my blog or watching my progress on facebook.  I appreciate your encouragement and support as well as the accountability of knowing there is a group of people watching to see what happens.  Some of you have shared how my journey or at least my sharing my journey publicly like this has encouraged and/or inspired you.  I am happy to be able to do that.  It is how I want to live my life.  However, I also want you to know that not every step of my journey gets shared on a daily basis.  I have a support team that gets the detail and to the general public I share more of the success and the things I'm learning.

John Maxwell wrote a book a while back called Failing Forward.  I actually received my copy of this book as a gift from a person who had not always been overly supportive of me.  However, the intent of the gift and of the book was to encourage an approach to life that recognizes "failure" as a part of life's teaching plan.

So, today I want to tell you about my last 10 days.  I often take time around my birthday to reflect on my life and take stock of what I have and what I've done.  In many ways I know this is a relatively futile exercise because how do I know the "success" I may have or not have had?  The only real measuring tools available to me are the world's tools but that's not the right way to measure success in God's economy.  Combine in the same weekend that sort of processing and mother's day which this year at least served to remind me of how I often felt I didn't measure up to my mom's expectations.  I don't believe this was true - it's just how I felt.  Putting those two things together while away from home and the healthy food at my house and I reverted back to old ways of dealing with emotions I didn't want to deal with - I ate.

I still tracked my calories and two of three days was under my calorie burn slightly - 200 or 300 calories under instead of my usual 2000+.  The deadly ingredient on that particular weekend was sodium.  My doctor has suggested that I try to be under 2000mg of sodium per day.  While I certainly don't hit that every day I'm usually relatively close.  However, the weekend of May 6-8 I was over 10,000 mg a day.  For those that don't know, high levels of sodium cause the body to retain water and that adds on weight. 

On Friday, the morning of my birthday, I was able to celebrate because I had reached the 70 pound mark of weight lost.  By the next Monday I had gained 14 back.  Now, I knew that most, if not all that weight was water weight based on what I had eaten and I have learned how to take off weight - especially water weight.  There are a few important things but one of the most important is sweat!  So I did.  God also blessed me by allowing my car not to start for a few days which increased my activity level considerably as I walked back and forth to work.  In addition to that eating the right things again including a low sodium intake and drinking lots of water combined with sweating salt away and the pounds came off.  One week later I'm back to 70 pounds off again. 

So, for those of you watching to see how I do, and how I handle it when I don't do so well - here was a potential setback.  I was disappointed in myself and I could have eaten more.  I was down a few days but was eating what I had after I got home - and what I had was healthy.  I do have to point out here that it is my support team who helped pick me up in this moment even by pointing out decisions made along the way and how they had prepared me for this time.

In January and February as I was beginning this process I put together a support team that I share my victories and losses with.  One of them pointed out to me that I had planned (unknowingly) for this setback moment months earlier by putting a team around me who will ask how I'm doing if they don't hear for a day or two.  They will encourage and support and cheer me on, even when I take a step back.  Another one pointed out the potential lesson of God's grace in this time.  Gaining 14 pounds in a weekend offset several weeks of hard work and I knew it had the potential to be devastating for my journey.  But God was gracious to have surrounded me with such a great cloud of witnesses that are here to run the race with me.  God was gracious in that He created my body to respond quickly and correctly when the healthy habits took over the bad ones again.  He was gracious to maybe knock off a few pounds (or sweat off) that I didn't earn calorie wise this week and allow me to be back on track after only a week rather than needing weeks to correct the mistake.

I was driving a 15 passenger van this evening and hit a pothole.  Afterwards I heard a rattle and wondered if I had blown out a tire.  But I've had a lot of driving experience and good teachers and the van didn't react as one would if there had been a blowout.  We have blowout's in life too and I had one just over a week ago.  But as I've learned how to both recognize and handle a blowout of a tire on a vehicle, I've also learned to recognize blowouts in life and am learning how to handle them.  God is in the middle of those times saying I'm here.  God is in the middle of those blowouts to help us control the vehicle and sometimes to take the controls himself and get us back on track.  God uses people and situations in our life to help make that happen.  God is in the friendships and community He has put us in.  God is extending grace in the middle of those blowouts that could end up a major accident and helping us to experience only a slight delay.

Today I wanted to share a moment of weakness lest you think I have it all together.  And I want to be clear that if you are seeing strength in me and my journey you are seeing the God who gives me strength in my weakness.  You are seeing the God who is my higher power, my redeemer, my healer, and my friend.  You are seeing the Jesus who lives inside of me.  And my desire for this journey and for the rest of my life is that you will see...

Less of me, more of Him.

Eric

Contentment

I've had a nagging thought since late yesterday afternoon.  I think it was initiated in my birthday reflections of the past week.  Yes, I turned over another year.  Physically, I'm probably younger than a year ago because I'm healthier but that's a different entry.  Often around my birthday my thoughts turn to what I've done or accomplished in life, what I've gained, what I have, etc. in a seeming attempt to measure if my life has indeed been worthwhile.

The thought that has been nagging me is what does it mean to be content?  The apostle Paul says he learned to be content in any and all situations.  I've wondered how he did that at various times in my life. 

What hit me yesterday was that if I am truly content in my relationship with God than that is enough.  If I am content with my relationship with God than my financial status doesn't matter. (I believe debt free is God's plan but if I'm not it doesn't affect who I am if I'm content in my relationship with God.)  If I'm content in my relationship with God then my amount of influence, fame, recognition, and power do not determine who I am.

And if I'm still seeking after financial stability, fame, power, etc in order to define who I am, am I truly surrendered to God?  If I'm measuring my success or how worthwhile my life has been based on the world's standards, am I completely surrendered to God?

When I am surrendered to God I am content.  I'm not content because of my status or what is currently happening in my life.  I am content because I am His child and I am deeply and unconditionally loved by my "Abba Father."

Less of me.  More of Him.
Eric

Why?

Good morning world.  This morning I am 70 pounds lighter than I was on January 3rd.  I am ahead of my planned schedule.  I'm not changing my schedule because I know the last pounds are harder than the first ones. 
Today I want to basically make a list.  A friend of mine asked me early in the process why I wanted to do this - to go on this journey.  Below are some of the reasons.  This is a list of both reasons why and things I want to be able to do or ways I want to live.  For those of you who have never struggled with your weight or your struggle has been 20 extra pounds many of these things may be things you've never thought about but they are things that at least I always have in the back of my mind.

1. I want to be able to walk up a couple flights of stairs and not be breathing heavier
2. I want to adjust the seat of my car according to leg room and comfort rather than belly room
3. I don't want to limit myself to cars with an adjustable steering wheel because I need it the highest to get in and out. (Side note - it's about time to move mine down a notch)
4. I want to be able to stay at a friends house without worrying about the type of bed I'm sleeping in and whether or not it will hold me.
5. I want to climb Spruce Mountain
6. I want to "save" or help as many people as I can find freedom (from whatever they need freedom from) and I will live longer and be able to relate to more people if I complete this journey.
7. Air travel
     a) I want to not have to use a seat belt extension on an airplane
     b) I don't want to be embarrassed by my size if another person has to sit beside me
     c) I don't want to be the "fat guy" passengers say made their flight uncomfortable when they get to their destination
     d) I want to be able to put my tray table down in front of me comfortably.
8. I don't want my weight to be a reason for my decisions (what chair to sit in, what activities to do, etc.)
9. Go down Spruce Lake's Zip Line
10. Be happy with how I look and feel
11. Buy clothes from a regular department store instead of a big and tall store (or big and tall section)
12. Buy clothes that don't need to be altered
13. I want to not have any questions about whether or not I should qualify for health or life insurance
14. I want to be able to lift what I should be able to lift, carry what I should be able to carry, etc without having to take a break or get help (this one is a little vague I know).
15. I want to walk into a room and turn heads, not because of my size but because of my incredible fashion sense. : )
16. I want to "rock" some songs in a worship or concert setting and not be out of breath
17. Shovel out my car in the winter without having to take a break

There are a few things I want to do in the process of getting to my goal weight or after I get there as well.  A few of them are above but here are a few more...

1. Complete a 5k race
2. Run a 5k race
3. Run "the hill" at Camp Hebron (it killed me this march when I walked it a couple times a day but I lost 11 pounds that week so I'm not complaining - I just want to conquer it)
4. Be a coach (officially or unofficially) to help others hit their goals and dreams
5. Run a 12:43 two mile run (something my high school soccer coach asked for every season and I was never able to do)
6. And in the back of my mind there are thoughts of 1/2 marathons, marathons, and triathlons but so far they are only in the back of my mind.

I've been encouraged to review my list and see what common themes are there as well as to see if there is a spiritual component or theme running through some or all of the list.  Those reflections are for a later post. 

For now, my summary is, I want to be happy, healthy, and live the abundant life God desires all his children to have.

Less of me.  More of Him.
Eric

Pressure and rest.

If you are a student of weight loss and/or watch The Biggest Loser with any regularity you've probably seen comments and discussion on how stress and rest affect weight loss.

This week I've struggled because I felt like maybe I was plateauing a bit.  Calories and activity level were good but the scales didn't show what I wanted it to.

This weekend was fairly active but I still didn't see any movement on the scales.  Generally the lowest weight of the day is seen in the morning.  The weekend was the first event we'd run in a while and we don't have our summer staff in yet so it makes the hours longer and for me the stress higher.  My quality of sleep was pretty decent but the quantity wasn't great.

This afternoon I came home, took a three hour nap, woke up refreshed and less stressed because of the event being over.

The results?  The event went fairly well and the numbers were lower this evening than this morning. 

So I can see that it appears to be true for me.  Well rested and free of pressure and stress and the numbers on the scale go down.  So then the question is, how do I live intentionally in a way that creates that type of atmosphere all the time?  Today's post is simply a question.  I'm hoping answers show up in posts to come.

So for today, a reminder I'm still on the journey.  Here's to stress free restful days and rolling back numbers as we go along.

Less of me.  More of Him.
Eric
Eric

And then came today.

"Comforted by the warmth of the fire and the familiar company and a presence they all feel but can't quite explain they wait out the night mostly in silent reflection on their own thoughts.  Where do we go from here?  What happens now?  Some may even drift off to a troubled sleep.  Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow..."

As the darkness begins to fade, those who were awake all night slowly pull themselves out of their own thoughts and look to the group.  The fire is built back up.  Several people scrounge for breakfast.  Those who were sleeping are starting to come out of their troubled sleep.  The line between sleep and awake not yet clearly crossed.

And then the footsteps.  Some one running towards them.  Some one shouting.  The disciples look at each other, unsure what to do.  Should they hide?  Should they run?  But at this point, tired and on the verge of despair, they gather around the fire and wait.  And then she comes.

Mary Magdalene.  Running.  Yelling.  Frantically trying to communicate while gasping for air.  As she gets her breath the story unfolds.  Tomb.  Anointing.  Empty grave.  Body gone.  Angels.  Alive?  I saw him.  He called my name.

And Peter and John are racing towards the tomb.  It couldn't be.  She's gone crazy from the shock of his death.  And there it is.  The stone rolled away.  The grave is empty.  A glimpse of hope.  Looking for a logical explanation.

Peter and John.  Do you remember...?  He said...  I thought...  Could he have meant?   What would it mean?  We saw him raise others from the dead.  Yeah, but I...  Is it possible?

"He is Risen, He's Alive.
No grave could keep Him down.
He is Risen, He's alive.
He's no longer in the ground.
Don't you remember what He told you,
The Son of Man must die.
And in three days He'll rise again
He is Risen, He's Alive.
HE IS RISEN!  HE'S ALIVE!"*

- From the song, "He's Alive" by Eric Horst.  Copyright, 2000
Less of me.  More of Him.
Eric

It was a dark and stormy night...

It was a cold and rainy night.  At least that's how I usually picture it.  The disciples, at a loss for words and hope start come looking for something familiar.  One at a time they come from wherever they went to hide and they return to a place they had gathered many times with Him.  No words are spoken.  Some have makeshift coverings to keep out of the rain.  Others aren't even aware enough to care.  But they come, seeking something they have known, seeking some kind of comfort, seeking community.

Their world has been shattered.  Their lives forever changed.  Their hope and excitement has been stolen.  Their leader/teacher/mentor, the Messiah, is dead.  They barely exist in this moment.  They've given up jobs, families, futures, and security.  And now what?  Will they have to return to their families ashamed but admitting they were wrong?  How will they live?  Better yet, what will they live for?  It's a cold, dark, and stormy night, even in the spiritual realm, and everyone can feel it.

I imagine sometimes what that night must have been, or at least may have been like.  As several have gathered and others begin to show someone starts a fire and the all huddle close to get a little warmth.  As more join the circle around the little fire I can hear the beginnings of sentences, many of which are never finished.  Do you remember the time...  Yeah but...  What do you think...  What are you going to do now?  Where are you going to go?  I remember...  I thought...  I was...  Wasn't he... He could have...

And silence.  Comforted by the warmth of the fire and the familiar company and a presence they all feel but can't quite explain they wait out the night mostly in silent reflection on their own thoughts.  Where do we go from here?  What happens now?  Some may even drift off to a troubled sleep.  Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow...


Less of me, more of Him,
Eric

In my former life

Many times growth is seen by others before ourselves.  And often, it's recognized first by those around us everyday because it's been a gradual happening so those closest to us don't see it as quickly as someone at a distance that when they do see us, see a dramatic change.  I think this is true physically but is also true spiritually. 

My brother, Doug, pointed something out to me this week from a post to my support team for my journey.  I received a fairly negative comment on an evaluation this week and all evaluations get sent out to all the leadership and department heads where I work.  Negativity towards me has always been one of my triggers to send me into an eating binge.

After seeing the comment I finished up some work, went home, had a "normal" supper and went about my evening activities.  The only time I thought about pizza and chips or other junk food (Not saying pizza and chips can't be done in a healthy balanced way - that just wasn't my style) was when I thought, "wow - in the past I would have ended up eating 4-5 slices of pizza, an entire bag of chips, and probably some other junk food tonight."  There was no thought to do that going on in my head.  No battle to fight on that night anyway.

So I look back on the journey and see that more has happened than losing 60 pounds so far.  I am becoming a new and healthier man - physically and emotionally.

"If anyone is in Christ there is a new creation.  The old has gone, the new has come." - 2Corinthians 5:17

May this be a daily reality for all of us.  Today I place myself in Christ's hands to hold and to guide.  In doing so I become new again - closer to Him and healthier than yesterday. 

Less of me.  More of Him.

Eric