The secret is out.

Many of us that struggle with weight also struggle with guilt and shame.  Not the healthy guilt that leads to repentance and change but a deep nagging idea that somehow we are a bad person.  Many times we bury this shame deep down and sometimes even eat to not deal with it.  We choose food like others may choose alcohol or other substances to give us comfort and hide from our reality.  We bury even the symptoms sometimes and definitely do not seek to cure or treat the actual problem.  When we make a bad choice we don't say, that was a bad choice; we say, I'm a bad person.  And the shame builds.  We hide and hope our secrets are not found out.

This morning, I stood before maybe 100 people that stayed to hear the presentation that was made.  Now I'm writing to the 900 or so people that have read my blog and the masses that may read it in the future.  I have been waiting for this moment but dreading it at the same time.  But I know the Truth and I know the Truth will indeed set me free.

For several years, probably at least 4, I have intentionally weighed over 400 pounds.  I say intentionally because I never accidentally ate anything.  Did I want to weigh that much?  No.  Did I think I did?  No.  Until that dreaded moment when I step on the scales and see the number.  Even when I was over I didn't know what the number was, only that I was over.  It's time for the truth.  It's time to put the numbers out there.  It's time to be set free!

On January 3, 2011 I stepped on my scales and saw a number that shocked me.  I weighed 430 pounds.  I was 10 pounds over my estimate of where I'd be.  I decided at that time to not change my target or my target date - I simply added 5 pounds to two of the early months where I was going to lose 10 and then knew I needed to lose 15.

On May 22, 2011 I stepped on the scales again.  I weighed 355.2 pounds.  Go to my 100 pound challenge page and you can see a picture of the readout.  This morning I stepped on the scales again and weighed in at 347.8.  Since January 3, I have lost 82.2 pounds.    I am 1/3 of the way to my goal.  My energy level is up.  I feel good.  I'm looking better.  I'm wearing smaller clothes.  I'm happy in the journey knowing there is still a long ways to go.

My goal is 190 pounds.  My target date is May 19, 2013.  I will have lost 240 pounds, more than I will weigh.

I know the next 82 will be harder than the first 82 and I know the last 82 will be the hardest of all.  But the journey is worth it.  I was told a few minutes ago, I'll be a new man and indeed I will.

So, my secret is out.  The numbers are out on the public stage for all to see.  I admit that my life has become unmanageable.  I submit my life to a higher power, God, creator of the universe, to restore my sanity and to remove my shame.

"Into Marvelous Light I'm running.  Out of darkness, out of shame.  By the cross you are the truth, you are the life, you are the way." - Charlie Hall

Less of me.  More of Him.

Eric