Lost my way

On May 20, 2012 I accomplished a great feat.  Or at least that was a day to celebrate the accomplishment. Knowing that day was coming even in the 6 weeks prior to that day that included a move across country I had maintained my workouts and my eating regimen. At least I had done it pretty well.  Well enough to hit my targets and the goals I had set for that day. 

And then I came home to a job I didn't love and left shortly after returning home. I'm now on my third job since moving here and life has been a struggle.  As the title of this post says I feel like I've lost my way.  I quickly reverted back to my old habits - granted, pizza delivery and fast food options are much more prevalent where I live now then where I used to live but that's not an excuse.  There were some things in my new lifestyle that I simply stopped doing but as always the biggest things are food choices and activity levels and my lifestyle the last few months have not been healthy ones.  As a result of old habits not only have a significant number of pounds come back on but some of the old feelings about myself including a lower level of confidence and feelings of shame have crept back in. I can probably sum it up by reversing my sign off: most recently it's been, Less of Him, more of me.

I know that God created us as whole beings. That means all parts of us affect other parts. Every component of our life is woven together and when we struggle in one area all areas are affected.  This is not just a health battle for me. It's spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional.  It's just a battle - an all encompassing battle.

This week I've had several thoughts running through my head.  Can I get back on track?  If I get it together now can I still hit my original goal of reaching my target weight by May 19, 2013? Do I have or can I find the motivation, inspiration, and courage to get back on track? Can I find my way home?  Will God be faithful again or still if I get back into the race?

The answer to the last question is a resounding yes - God is faithful. God has always been faithful. God will always be faithful.  There is no doubt about this.

I know how I was feeling when I first moved here. My confidence level was fairly high. I was excited about life. I was happy. I was proud of what I had done. I felt like anything was possible.  In the last few months a lot of those feelings have changed.  As I've been thinking about where I am, where I've been, and where I'm going the biggest question from the list above that remains to be answered is whether or not I have or can find the motivation, inspiration, and courage to once again face my fears and my enemy and start moving forward.  What's happened is done and I can't change it. But tomorrow is a new day full of possibilities and temptations with many opportunities to make decisions - healthy or unhealthy.

Can I find the courage to move forward again?  The answer that has been going through my head is that if I don't find it, I die - no matter how long I exist on this earth or how many breaths I have left.  The life I was living and headed toward was life - the existence I've had the last couple months feels a little more like death.

So as I get back in the game I do ask that you pray for me.  I also give you permission to check up on me and see how I'm doing.  Can I still hit my target weight by May 19, 2013?  I don't know. But if I don't hit it until August does it really matter?  I will be alive and truly living and that's what matters.  So I will be setting up some new mile markers along the way and some of you may get invites to do some things with me as I reach new goals. 

As I finish this post the clock is striking midnight - it is literally a new day.  Here's to a new day and new life.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.

Less of me. More of Him.

- Eric